My day yesterday involved trains, sex, buses, an ambulance, the emergency department, and CT scans, so it was relatively exciting, and since I’m going to tell you upfront that I’m okay you, there’s no need for you to worry as you read on.
I had to be in Parramatta for a class at 9 AM, which meant a far too early wake-up, and a morning preparation so rushed that I didn’t get a proper shower, and so headed out the door with my hair looking a little like John Travolta in Grease. The Ingleburn to Parramatta train ride has become boringly straight forward, except today. When changing trains, the ramp from the carriage to the platform wasn’t held firmly enough in place by the attendant, so I ended up with my front castor wheels jammed between the train and the platform. No doubt, the five-minute delay needed to get me unstuck annoyed impatient commuters, but I am used to this sort of drama, and before long I’d changed trains and made it to Parramatta, and then to work.
My class was on sexual ethics. In Christian contexts, this is a topic fraught with controversy, and as we negotiated subjects that included dating, masturbation, and the ideals of transcendent sexual unity, I felt like shouting, “stop overthinking things. It’s just an orgasm, and you should enjoy it while you can. I’d give anything to be able to experience that feeling again.” But I restrained myself, and the class was fun; an open and engaging discussion, about a topic dear to all of our hearts.
The lecture went through to midday, at which point I found a quiet corner in a Gloria Jean’s cafe, and tipped back my chair for a kip – one of the advantages of an electric wheelchair is that a bed is always present. I badly needed the rest, since my schedule for the day was unusually busy. Following the morning class was an afternoon meeting at ParaQuad, where I had been invited to sit on a steering committee for a project set up to develop training programs for personal care at home. The ParaQuad offices are in Newington, and to get there I needed to catch a bus from the Parramatta terminus. When it pulled up, a crowd of people swamped inside, leaving me to wait for the bus driver to lower the ramp and usher me on. Bus corridors are narrow, and it takes no small amount of practice to negotiate the chair round the corner, past the driver’s compartment, and into the designated wheelchair accommodation. This is near the front of the bus, with seats that fold up to make room for the chair, which is parked facing the rear. once in place, it wasn’t long before we were under way, and I was able to lose myself in dreams of adventure, listening to an audio recording of The Count of Monte Christo:
“Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes.”
From Parramatta, the bus headed east toward the city along Victoria Road. You can tell when a driver is in a hurry by the extent to which aggressive acceleration and braking force you forward and then reverse-fling you into the backrest and headrest of the chair. But the journey today, while fast, seemed relatively normal, and I was relaxed and unconcerned. The crisis came without warning, as the bus looped left around a sweeping on-ramp from Victoria Road to the overpass on Silverwater Road.
Before I had any chance to react, my chair tipped and I fell to the side, smashing my head on the seating opposite, and falling onto the floor. It must have happened in a flash, but I can remember every instant of the fall. It was one of those moments when time really did seem to slow, and I experienced the gut wrenching sensation of a fall that I was utterly helpless to prevent. I didn’t lose consciousness, and I ended up lying crumpled up on my side, half on and half off the fallen wheelchair, with my face flat against the floor. I screamed in panic. The passengers, watching on in horror, shouted to the driver, and the bus pulled up.
Immediately, a large and smartly-dressed man (who later introduced himself as Michael), rushed over, made sure I was okay, and called 000. He was given firm instructions that I wasn’t to be moved but, rather, to wait for the arrival of the ambulance.
So I waited, with my face squashed against the dusty and unforgiving floor, and my body twisted up, like one of those oddly bent chalk drawings placed at the scene of the crime on TV procedurals. Memories of 7 October 2010 flashed into my mind, and I went from being panicked to feeling pathetically humiliated; a circus attraction earning the curiosity of the watching crowd. Before long, though, my mood switched to one of resignation. This sort of experience seems to be par for the course of sci, and the way to get through it is to be patient and relax. What I can’t change isn’t worth worrying about, and so I took the opportunity to shut my eyes and have another rest.
The ambulance seemed to take an inordinate amount of time – although I suspect my sense of time was out of kilter. As I was lying there, I heard the bus driver talking to the passengers, defending himself:
“I didn’t strap the seatbelt to his chair, because most of them don’t like it.”
“I was only travelling at 30 km an hour, the normal speed – I wasn’t driving too fast.”
“I will probably be put on report and might be placed on suspension.”
This self-interested justification irritated me, so I interrupted:
“Instead of spending this time worrying about yourself, why don’t you get your priorities right, and show some concern about the quadriplegic lying on the floor of your bus.”
He gave a quick apology and that was the last I heard from him. And still, I waited. I’m pretty sure it was half an hour or more before another bus turned up to take the onlooking passengers the rest of their journey. I guess I should have felt a little sorry for the chaos I’d created, but I struggled to feel any real sympathy for them and their missed appointments. For that matter, it looked like I was going to miss my own meeting. I figured, at least, that I had a good excuse.
The police arrived, and then firemen, and about 20 minutes after the fall, the ambulance roared in and the paramedics took charge. The team leader introduced herself as Claire, and while checking my vital signs she chatted and joked and so made me feel at ease. It seemed likely that I was okay (well, I was still a quadriplegic – the fall hadn’t cured me – but I didn’t seem to be any more damaged), but Claire wasn’t taking any chances. Since I was paralysed, I needed to be treated as any other person subject to a sci. The difficulty was that my weirdly contorted position, among the poles and seats of the bus, made a puzzle of the task of straightening me up. But a strategy was devised, beginning with the placement of a neck brace, and then a series of small and cautious moves that eventually saw me lying flat on my back on a gurney. Thereafter, the task of getting me out of the bus and into the back of the ambulance was relatively simple.
Once settled, I was briefly interviewed by a police officer, and then asked whether there was anyone who should be apprised of the situation. Truth be told, I was reluctant for them to contact Elly. I knew that a call from the police would cause her panicked heart palpitations, and because I thought that I was probably fine, I contemplated keeping quiet, going to hospital for tests, and then trying to find my own way home. I quickly realised that not only was such a strategy stupid (really, did I imagine I could get myself home after an accident like this!), but that Elly would murder me if I didn’t make sure she was notified. I instructed the officer to make the call, but to be as gentle and upbeat as possible.
At about 3 PM I took my first ride in an ambulance (my previous journey to hospital was in a helicopter), and I was ushered into Accident and Emergency at Concord Hospital. An hour or so later, I was transferred to radiology, and was given a CT scan of my head and neck. When I was returned to the ward, Elly was there waiting. This really did feel like old times; me staring at the ceiling with a neck brace, and Elly sitting alongside the bed. It must have been around 6 PM when I was given the all clear, and Elly took me home.
Later, I was talking to my brother Kurt, and he declared that the whole thing was set up. I have almost finished my memoir (looking for a publisher), and he reckons that this mini emergency had been planned to give me an exciting way to end the book. “Finish it on a cliff-hanger,” he said, “so that everyone will want to read the sequel.”
garrySeptember 19, 2013 at 4:45 pm
mmmmm sounds like a good ending to me. Glad your OK Shane.
shirlmoSeptember 19, 2013 at 4:54 pm
Well one thing you cannot say, Shane, is that you live a boring life. 🙂
Craig BennoSeptember 19, 2013 at 5:41 pm
Shane. You are a legend mate. How you cope with those stresses is encouraging and amazing.
AmandaSeptember 19, 2013 at 5:53 pm
Shane, you are truly an amazing man! Glad your ok. And a very talented writer 🙂
Shane CliftonSeptember 19, 2013 at 6:12 pm
thank you everyone for all the encouragement. In fact, I think stories like this make things sound more amazing than they actually are. At the end of the day, I didn’t do much more to lie on the floor. nothing especially legendary in that. if there’s any praised you, it’s the paramedics and people like Claire. They bring hope and a little bit of joy into very dark places.
Dan CliftonSeptember 19, 2013 at 6:42 pm
Jeez you can be a drama queen at times, you don’t hear me telling the world about the flat tyre on my bike this morning. Toughen up bro.
Shane CliftonSeptember 19, 2013 at 6:49 pm
Good to see my bros showing me the love!
LeighSeptember 19, 2013 at 8:12 pm
Seems you have a legal action.
Shane CliftonSeptember 19, 2013 at 8:56 pm
spoken like a newly minted lawyer!
Darron EllerySeptember 19, 2013 at 8:52 pm
Always encouraged to read of your insightful sci-non-fi writings Shane, the ups and the downs. Waiting to see how Troy shows you the love too! Kurt just wants to be part of the sequel (Dan probably won’t make the sequel with his flat tyre).
Shane CliftonSeptember 19, 2013 at 9:00 pm
sci-non-fi, I love it
EllySeptember 19, 2013 at 9:53 pm
Thanks to the by-stander Michael for taking your photo – although would have been better if you smiled a bit!
Leigh – we’re over law-suits and lawyers – still waiting for compensation for the first injury. It would be good if the bus company would pay for a new headrest for his chair though!
Craig BennoSeptember 19, 2013 at 10:09 pm
I have to admit…I thought the way Shane did that selfie, was a neat trick. 🙂 I bet your relieved though Elly.
Jen DangerOctober 15, 2013 at 11:15 pm
Ha, I was wondering who took the photo!
SamSeptember 19, 2013 at 10:28 pm
You are remarkably resilient Shane.
Shane CliftonSeptember 19, 2013 at 10:55 pm
No other choice
Jen DangerOctober 15, 2013 at 11:17 pm
‘You are remarkably resilient’. ‘No other choice’. Selah. This will be on quotable quotes or somewhere like that before you know it. Resilience as the only response to the situation we find ourselves in.
SamOctober 16, 2013 at 9:02 am
@Shane, I see people take the other choice (defeat) in my work all the time – it can be so overwhelming. I think it speaks to your character, and the work God is doing in your life, that you approach challenges with such strength.
@Jen, I agree! ‘Creating resilient people’ is a bit of a buzz phrase in the Canberra community service, but it’s the right goal!
Ellen HendrixSeptember 20, 2013 at 12:55 am
I love your thinking on calling Elly, wanting to spare her a startling call vs her killing you for not calling, love it. Your brother Kurt with his ending for your book, excellent. If only someone had just moved the tray and bag near your head, the picture would have taken care of the chalk outline.
I’m glad you are ok, make ‘them’ buckle you in, (seriously, the use of the word them by the bus driver annoys me). I look forward to reading your memoir. Love from the land of Canucks.
jaymcneillSeptember 20, 2013 at 6:45 am
Bloody hell…what a day! Who took the photo? I’m guessing it wasn’t a ‘selfie’
Shane CliftonSeptember 20, 2013 at 7:30 am
It’s a great photo, taken by an onlooker and sent by text.
Shane CliftonSeptember 20, 2013 at 7:31 am
Something isn’t real anymore unless we’ve selfied it!
Lauren HayesOctober 1, 2013 at 11:02 am
Just commenting to say I’m really enjoying reading your blog.
I’m involved with Luke14 and CBM so hopefully we’ll meet in person at some point.
Keep up the great writing!
Shane CliftonOctober 1, 2013 at 1:14 pm
thanks Lauren – nice to see it has a “life” out in cyberspace. Look forward to meeting you also, Shane
Lauren HayesOctober 1, 2013 at 2:05 pm
Thanks Shane. yeah it’s a bit like that isn’t it? I often wonder who else reads my blog other than facebook friends and family, particularly now, as like you, most of my entries are theological/disability related. There are a few of us in the blogosphere who are writing about this stuff though, so we’re in good, nerdy/geeky company. 🙂
JoOctober 3, 2013 at 7:59 pm
Shane – what an incredible guy you are! You make laugh, cry, inspire me to kindness. Thank you for writing so honestly. Jo
LukeMarch 9, 2014 at 9:24 am
No mention of God. It’s all about you.
Shane CliftonMarch 9, 2014 at 10:27 am
So, you want me to blame God?
LukeMarch 12, 2014 at 5:57 pm
Thanking him would be better.
Craig BennoMarch 9, 2014 at 11:30 am
What a horrible comment. I know Shane to be a man, who is all about God.
LukeMarch 12, 2014 at 5:56 pm
The evidence on this blog disagrees.
Shane CliftonMarch 12, 2014 at 6:52 pm
Luke you are clearly a deeply spiritual man who has no idea of what it’s like to experience real hardship in life. Next time you become a quadraplegic, and find yourself unable to move and the floor of a bus, then you can offer your advice. Until then, you’d be wise to shut up.
videoMarch 25, 2014 at 10:16 pm
Hey there! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I’d figured
I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe
guest writing a blog article or vice-versa? My blog discusses
a lot of the same topics as yours and I believe we could
greatly benefit from each other. If you’re interested feel free to send me an e-mail.
I look forward to hearing from you! Terrific blog by the way!
Shane CliftonMarch 27, 2014 at 4:13 pm
I’m not sure how to find your blog – can you send me a link?